His Way

So here I stand. I finally got such a clarity why am I here at faculty of medicine. Why especially here in Universitas Padjadjaran. Why do I want to join a certain UKM (Unit Kegiatan Mahasiswa). Why am I really here.

I once made a promse with God that I want to be a missionary. I made that promise when I was in fifth grade. I never knew that this kind of deal, to be a missionary, is not just an itsy bitsy talk. It's a deal you made with God. It's a promise you give to God, so you must make it true. Actually, until this time I feel like I'm running from His call to be a missionary. I forget it, it's the right way to talk about it. But God never forget. He never forget anything, even the smallest thing.

I'm here at FK Unpad, I'm here struggling to be a doctor, I do them all is just to answer His call. I feel what I have is not enough to cope with the world of medicine. I'm not that smart to memorize the whole book. I'm not that kind to give an empathy or sympathy to other people. I'm lack of  everything. My lack of anything good got me upset once. I have tried my best, well may be not the best of my best, but I don't suceed. Then I'm wondering, king to God, do I really suite this? Do I really mean to be a doctor? I'm not really seeking for an answer, I just need help to survive. But God is beyond all my imagination, He give me His hands, and He show me the way also.

I realized that why am I here is because of the promise I made to God years ago. The prayer I prayed. That time. I guess God want to use me by me being a doctor. So I can help people and at the same time can spread God's words. So people can see God in me. To be a person like that, is not easy either. I need a training, I need exercises to be strong in every battlefield. I have to conquer my fear, my laziness, my selfish pride. So God show me how, by join AMP. I know I have never joined an activity like that. I know it's hard both mentally and physically. But, if this eagerness and extraordinary forces to join is really God's will, I believe He will give me strength to fight. I know. I can survive if God stays beside me.

Gosh, my God is really an awesome God. It's hard for me to make a conclusion of my life, how God really have planned my life. Maybe, just maybe, this whole conclusion I made is wrong, I know God has a better way. Way better than anything I could ever imagine. I cast my fear, my anxiety, all to Him. I know He will give me the best, on His own time. I just have to give my best, do all things I can. I'm struggling at FK, but I know my God won't let His children down. I won't be ashamed. I'm more than a conqueror! You are more than a conqueror!