Jumat, 19 Desember 2014

Yes!

Kalau Tuhan sudah berhasil nolong gue sampai gue berhasil ngelewatin medan operasi dan jadi anggota muda, masa SOOCA aja (yang sudah lima kali gue lewatin dengan pertolonganNya juga) engga bisa?

In the name of Jesus, I put my hope in You...

Senin, 27 Oktober 2014

Calling

This is a recent story of my life. It's not a beautiful story, terrifying instead. This is the story about waiting for my leap of faith.

Kemarin waktu Kebaktian Mahasiswa (Kemah) PMK FK Unpad, yang rutin gw ikuti setiap minggu, pelayanan dilakukan oleh Stephen Tong Evangelistic Ministries (STEMI). Bukan seperti biasa yang dilayani oleh pembicara dari luar dengan ibadah dilayani oleh mahasiswa. Kali ini full dilayani oleh pelayan Tuhan dari STEMI.

Awalnya gw mikir, waduh keras nih ibadahnya. Soalnya, gw pernah ikut kebaktian pembangunan iman gitu yang diadakan oleh STEMI dan jujur (maaf) gw kurang cocok sama model ibadah dan penyampaian firmannya. Keras dan ajeg gitu.

Mirip sama ibadah yang gw ikutin waktu itu, kebaktian diawali dengan pujian. Pujiannya yaaa monoton lah, ga pake tepuk tangan seperti biasa. Gw bukan aliran karismatik, tapi kalo ibadah pemuda ya biasanya kan tepok-tepok tangan gitu hehehe. Pas masuk ke firman Tuhan tamparan demi tamparan pun dimulai...

Gw disadarkan banget melalui firman Tuhan kemarin kalau gw (dan teman-teman lain) destined to give glory to God. Destined to mengusahakan semua yang ada di dunia (refer to Kejadian). Jadi seseorang yang GILA yang JAGO di bidangnya. Kalo bidang gw di kedokteran, gw harus EXPERT di situ. Sekadar IP cum laude doang ga cukup. Sekadar ga bolos, ga tipsen, ga nyontek itu cuma standar minimal. Gw harus lebih dari itu. Nyentil banget sumpah...

Terus iman itu harus dihubungkan dengan studi. Iman itu membuat kita berusaha dan belajar keras. Bukan cuma iman pas ujian dapet nilai bagus --> INI GW BANGET. Gw mengandalkan iman gw dan emang puji Tuhan gw beriman dan gw mendapatkan apa yang sesuai dengan iman gw. Tapi gw sadar banget, oke nilai gw bagus (ga sombong ya). Oke gw dapet apa yang gw mau. Tapi gw belom menjadi orang yang expert. Nilai ga menentukan kepintaran. Emang nilai lu bagus berarti lu pinter? Engga! Gw sadar banget logic gw tumpul, gw cepet lupa sama materi-materi yang udah diajarkan, gw kurang banyak membaca sehingga gw jadi kurang banyak tau. Sumpah kemarin tuh gw kayak ditampar bolak balik.

EH tapi jangan salah sangka ya. IMAN ITU PENTING! Di saat lu udah ga tau mo ngapain, ketika hidup ini terasa ga berguna, iman yang nyelamatin lu. Gila, hidup gw itu based on iman. Mau seberapa gede pun usaha lu kalo ga diberkati Tuhan, iman yang percaya bahwa Tuhan akan memberkati lu abundantly, GA ADA GUNANYA. So, tetep my number one weapon is FAITH.

Selanjutnya adalah tentang panggilan. Gw sadar banget Tuhan manggil gw buat jadi dokter misi. Buat jadi dokter yang mengabarkan firman Tuhan ke orang-orang yang belum percaya. Ke pedalaman. Tapi kemarin lebih dari itu gw sadar kalo itu BERAT. BERAT BANGET. Gw harus meninggalkan kehidupan gw yang serba enak, serba ada, serba nyaman, demi panggilan itu. Bisa jadi gw engga nikah, engga punya anak, engga bisa main-main. Jujur gw nangis ngebayangin itu. Impian gw sebenernya adalah bisa kerja di rumah sakit gede, jadi dokter spesialis, tinggal di kota sama keluarga, bisa jadi orang kaya. Namun kayaknya panggilan gw engga di situ...

Sejujurnya, gw pengen lari dari panggilan Tuhan. Tapi gw takut kayak Yunus yang lari dari Niniwe dan akhirnya ditelen ikan. Tuhan tau gw bakal lari ke mana. Tuhan yang udah menenun gw dari masa janin. Tuhan yang merencanakan hidup gw. Ngapain lari coba. Ga bakal bisa.

Gw tau panggilan gw berat. Gw ga tau harus melangkah ke mana, harus mulai dari mana. Tapi sekarang gw mau menyerahkan semuanya kepada Tuhan. Sekarang mungkin gw berpikir yah masa depan gw kayaknya di pedalaman. Siapa tau Tuhan mau nyuruh gw di pedalaman sekian tahun, terus nanti gw tetep bisa jadi dokter spesialis dan tinggal di kota (ngarep gapapa kan, Tuhan? Hehehe). Sebab rancangan kita bukanlah rancangan Tuhan. Jalan kita, bukanlah jalan Tuhan.

I have faith in You, God. I know You have prepared the best thing for me. I know it. I just don't know what. I trust in You :)

Jumat, 05 September 2014

He > I

Hello, guys!

There's a lot to tell from this past few months, while I was away, to you all! I can't handle this happy news:

I'm finally Anggota Muda XXII Atlas Medical Pioneer!

Too much to tell, and I'm still 'merangkai kata' to post it on this blog hehehe. I'll post it later.

So what I want to tell now is that I remember this scripture this late morning.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." - John 3:30

I feel it like a hurdle onto my back. I was so self-centered. I always want everyone to look at me, to talk about me, to feel inferior than me, and so on. After achieving something I feel better than anyone else although the fact is I'm no better than anyone.

He > I. Jesus is greater than me, Jesus is more important than me, Jesus is the first and I'm second. He must increase, but I must decrease.

I guess my way of thought must be how to let Him be praised by things I do. There's no need for everyone to know the good things we do, let only God knows.

I read Our Daily Bread entitled "Not Even a Nod". It retells Luke 17:11-19 about how Jesus healed ten lepers men, but only one came back and thanked Him. Jesus' AMAZING work only been appreciated by one of ten people. How can you hope for appreciation more than Jesus got? What an mind opener this article is.

I also want to share this picture I got from pinterest:


Yes, guys. Our Jesus is so amazing. There's no need to wait for other people's appreciation, admiration. You just need to do your best and give it all to Jesus. If you look up to Him, He will always look out for you. He always appreciate you. What's better than an appreciation from your own Father, your own God? None!

God bless you all.

Rabu, 11 Juni 2014

...

What have I done, Sweet Jesus, what have I done?

Rabu, 26 Maret 2014

Awakening by Hillsong UNITED






[Verse 1:]
In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

[Verse 2:]
Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

[Chorus:]
For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

[Verse 3:]
In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

[Verse 4:]
For this moment
For this hour
Awakening

[Bridge:]
Like the rising sun that shines
From the darkness comes a light
I hear Your voice say
This is my awakening

Like the rising sun that shines
Awake my soul
Awake my soul to sing

From the darkness comes a light
Awake my soul
Awake my soul to sing

Only You can raise a life
Awake my soul
Awake my soul to sing


* * *

Lord, let me come awake and every minute I'm being I live it all for You.

Selasa, 25 Maret 2014

A Little Story

Hello, friends.

I want to share about my journey at the first real outdoor (nature) field in AMP. It held last weekend, 22-23 March at Ranca Walini, Ciwidey.

H-1

Seluruh siswa Pendas XXII diharapkan nginep di Bale. Tujuannya sih supaya engga telat bangun dan berangkat barengan. Soalnya, jam 6 apel tatib (tata tertib) bakal dimulai. Tujuan lain adalah biar bisa packing bareng-bareng, juga supaya engga salah packing. Why? It's due to our state as a student, we've never pack things to carrier (a big bag, the volume is massive). Packing need a special care since a reckless packing could harmed.

Anyway, kan disuruh nimbang tuh carrier beratnya berapa, karena berat beban di carrier itu ga boleh lebih dari sepertiga berat badan. Gw coba nimbang berat gue dan............ berat gw naik setengah kilo.
SEDIH!!!!
Gw pikir lewat binjas-binjas yang silih berganti berat badan gw bakal turun. Tapi ternyata....
Terlalu. Sungguh ter-la-lu.

Oya, gw di bale tidur di kamar adek kelas anak PMK, kamarnya Senyo dan Grace. Pas gw naik ke kamar mereka, ternyata mereka sudah tidur. Ga enak ganggu, gw langsung tidur di lantai. Puji Tuhan ada karpet, kalo ga mah bisa mati kedinginan. Udara emang dingin, untungnya gw ada flanel jadi gw tidur pake flanel. Lumayan, anget.

H1

Jam 5.20 semua jalan ke lapangan parkir C5 di FK. Kita uda kayak apaan deh long march dari Bale. Hahaha. Berat euy lumayan, 16 kilo. Btw, ini carriernya gw pinjem dari Adit yang notabene adalah dansis atau komandan siswa atau ketua angkatan gelombang pertama di Pendas XXII gitu.

Sesampainya di C5, langsung apel. Terus ada pemeriksaan logistik. Jadi, gw harus bongkar tuh barang-barang yang kemaren sudah di-pack di carrier supaya bisa dicek kelengkapannya sama pelatih. Abis pengecekan, kami digiring ke tronton. Pengalaman pertama gw naik tronton, cuy!

Di sepanjang jalan menuju lokasi gw kayaknya kebanyakan tidur deh, hahaha. Pas tronton sudah mendekati tempat, kami yang pada pules dibangunin. Tronton akhirnya berhenti dan semua disuruh turun. Yak, hawa mencekam dari lapangan pun mulai terasa (lebay). Senior jadi tambah disiplin dan minta kesigapan kami buat segera membentuk barisan beregu dan mulai pemanasan. Karena lelet, akhirnya kami menuai seri. YAK. SERI.

Selepas pemanasan, tiap regu dikasih mentor gitu. Kebetulan regu gw, regu yang sangat luar biasa, mendapatkan mentor Komandan Gunung Hutan DP XX dan mantan Komandan Gunung Hutan DP IX yang sekarang jadi Komandan Kepencintaalaman. Sekarang lagi lapangan gunung hutan. Dapet komandan gunung hutan. HAHAHA. Jadilah bersama mentor kami ini, kami melakukan orientasi medan dengan bermodal peta, kompas, protaktor, karvak, penggaris, dan spidol. Asik pisan sih! Dulu gw baca peta cuman buat nyari di mana ya Sangatta. Sekarang, gw mesti bisa liat kontur terus mengira-ngira posisi gw di peta sekarang di mana tanpa mengetahui gw lagi di mana. Bingung? Ya sama gw juga awalnya gitu. Sekarang juga gitu, sih :P

Akhirnya waktu bivoac (semacam istirahat) siang tiba. Tiap regu mesti masak makan siangnya masing-masing. Regu gw masak sop. Heboh! Waktu yang dikasih adalah satu jam dan semua harus beres mulai dari masak, makan, beres-beres, sampai baris beregu kembali.

Sehabis makan, kami dituntun masuk ke hutan di atas kebun teh. Di sana, dibagi pos-pos pengajaran. Ada pengajaran bikin api unggun, mengenal botani yang bisa dimakan di hutan, trapping (cara menangkap hewan), terus bikin bivoac alam (tenda dari bahan-bahan yang tersedia di alam). Seru banget!

Sore mulai datang, bivoac tiba lagi. Kami diberi 90 menit untuk masak, bikin tenda, bikin api unggun, makan, beres-beres. Masak sop lagi. Hahaha. Enak kok tapi. Jobdesc gw adalah bikin tenda dari flysheet gitu. Di sekeliling tendanya gw juga mesti bikin parit pake tramontina (nama kerennya golok). Capek loh bikin parit teh. Pegel.

Udah gelap, kami semua disuruh kumpul sama mentor dan nge-review materi. Cerita-cerita gitu lah. Pada banyak yang curhat-curhat juga tentang alasan masuk AMP dan kesan pesan setelah masuk AMP. Kata-kata yang paling gw inget dari mentor gw adalah, "yang nomer satu tetep akademik. Kan tujuannya jadi dokter. Jangan sampai ikut AMP malah engga naik kelas. Ya harus naik kelas lah minimal. AMP itu pelengkap yang sangat lengkap." Kurang lebih begitulah. Gw bertekad ge harus bisa jadi AMP. FIX.

Kira-kira jam 7 malam kami disuruh langsung tidur. Agak bingung juga kenapa tidurnya cepet pisan. Ternyataaa, kami dibangunin jam 21.30 buat EVALUASI. Jeng jeng. Evalnya di tempat miring penuh lumpur dan basah. Banyak banget seri yang didapet. You know what, disuruh push up di tanah miring dengan kepala di atas dan kaki di bawah. Bayangin beratnya. Terus sit up dengan kepala bawah dan kaki di atas. Gatau deh dapet berapa seri. Gw ga ngitung. Yang jelas kotor, becek, kedinginan, tangan lemes. Gw sit up bener-bener ngaco. Sampe dikatain pelatih gitu karena cule-cule. Duh parah jelek pisan. Mana senior rame banget ckckck. Malu juga gw.

Setelah dua jam eval, kami disuruh tidur lagi. Gw langsung ganti pakaian dalam dan baju tidur. Ga sanggup buset tidur dengan daleman berlumpur hahaha.

H2

Kami dibangunkan jam 5 pagi dan disuruh langsung bivoac pagi dan membereskan tenda dll. Pokoknya lapangan tempat kami harus uda bersih dalam waktu 90 menit. Pagi ini makan sop again. Hahaha. Terus minum susu anget dan itu enak bangeeet. TOP.

Abis makan, kami pemanasan dan abis itu turun dari hutan. Lanjut orientasi medan dengan mentor. Orientasi medan sampai siang dan lanjut bivoac siang. Regu gw kebagian bivoac di atas kebun teh gitu. Panas bets. Tapi ga kerasa sih. Siang ini masak tumis. Enak banget ga boong deh.

Nah, beres bivoac akhirnya dilakukan evaluasi lagi. Kali ini evalnya di lapangan rumput yang rumputnya tinggi-tinggi banyak serangga. Banyak banget push up yang didapat. GW LEMES LAGI. Tangan tremor, kaki tremor. Berkali-kali gw jatuh. Parah gw malu banget. Nama gw diteriakkin terus gara-gara gw jatuh dan cule-cule terus. Sungguh gw lemah banget. Mental tempe kayaknya. Fisik tahu mental tempe. Hmmph, gw harus berusaha latihan fisik dan meningkatkan mental gw kayaknya ini mah. "FISIK BOLEH HABIS, TAPI MENTAL GA AKAN HABIS, WA!"

Habis eval, lanjut apel penutup. Abis tu sebelum pulang pada foto-foto gitu, hahaha. Yang moto pelatih sih. HUAH, akhirnya beres juga lapangan pertama kami. Seru pisan, asik pisan, banyak banget ilmu yang gw dapet.

* * *

Ya Tuhan, semoga Aga bisa jadi AMP. It's all for you. Oke gw emang capek, oke gw merasa ga mampu. Tapi rasanya, kalo Tuhan menghendaki, dan kalau gw terus beriman dan bilang kalo gw melakukan ini semua bukan buat diri gw doang tapi terutama buat Tuhan, gw yakin gw PASTI BISA.

Ga ada yang ringan kalo tentang melangkah mendekati tujuan hidup lu. Pasti berat. Tapi yakin aja, akhirnya pasti manis. Luruskan niat lu, bahwa lu melakukan semuanya karena Tuhan udah ngasih semuanya ke lu dan lu juga mau kasih semuanya ke Tuhan. Walaupun berat, menguras tenaga hati pikiran. Semua buat Engkau, Tuhan. Semua buat Engkau.

Kuatkan Aga ya, Tuhan. Kuatkan supaya bisa push up kuat, bisa nahan push up juga. Bisa lari kenceng dan narik temen, bisa sit up pull up back up bending dengan kuat. Bisa melewati semuanya dengan kuat.

OYA, UTS juga minggu depan. Semoga lancar! You have promised me, God. I know You'll never fail Your promise. You'll never fail me.


Rabu, 05 Maret 2014

The Antenna

Antenna is a device that convert electrical power into radio waves and vice versa (from Wikipedia). To be short, antenna is a device to catch something, specifically here waves.

* * *

Sometimes it feels like we are alone. It feels like God is so out there sitting on His throne in heaven while we are here on the ground in earth.We don't want to cry to Him in our loneliness since we feel that it will not change a thing. He won't look down to us.


* * *

So now, what is it with antenna?

When I went to Church last Sunday, the pastor preached that maybe when we feel that God is far is not that God is far. God is never far. He always besides us. Maybe the fault is in our antenna. Yep. We don't catch the waves of God's presence. So we feel that He is far.

Again, God is never far.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth. - Psalm 145:18

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8

Kamis, 13 Februari 2014

Binjas Perdana!

Well, hello guys!

Guess what, I did my Bina Jasmani of Pendidikan Dasar Atlas Medical Pioneer yesterday. Tough. Very tough.

This is what we did yesterday:
1. Running for maybe 30 minutes
2. Sprint 100m
3. Push up, pull up, back up, sit up, and one move that I forgot

Dasar lemah, I was very tired and out of breathe. I guess I need more practice, ckckck.

Anyway, I want to show you my ecchymosis (bruise):



Now, although they are still blue, I don't feel any pain. Good then, since tomorrow I must do push up on my knee again. Hahaha.

Okay guys, please pray for me so I can be strong!
God bless you all.

Senin, 10 Februari 2014

Physical Test

Yeay! Today was the physical test of Pendidikan Dasar XII AMP (pendas) :D I can't actually say that today was the first day of AMP because the real "bina jasmani" has not started yet.

So, as you know from the post below, I was pretty "galau" yesterday. Until like half an hour before the physical test I still galau. But after meeting my friends, my galauness disappear. I was excited to see what's ahead.

* * *

Jadi, tadi tuh apel dulu. Apelnya ga capek dan ga lama. Cuma gue lupa protokoler yang sudah diajarin pas techmeet kemaren. Kacau sih, tapi untung bukan cuma gue yang lupa *hahaha parah nyari temen*. Habis apel, semua disuruh baris dan menuju ke GOR Jati. Nah, di sana semua disuruh baris sesuai regunya masing-masing terus didampingi sama pelatih gitu.

Gue dan para siswa (sebutan untuk yang ikut pendas) disuruh buat lari selama 12 menit mengelilingi lapangan. Ngaco sih gue cuma dapet empat putaran. Sungguh lemah. Tapi semoga nanti bisa ditingkatin sih. Abis lari, disuruh push up sit up back up pull up sama satu lagi gerakannya gue lupa namanya. Nah itu diitung sanggup berapa banyak selama satu menit. Kata pelatihnya sih, yang dilihat itu kualitasnya bukan kuantitas.

OYA. Note, kemarin gue baru jatoh di Ciwalk. Lalala. Malu sih. Terus lutut gue jadi biru memar gitu lah. Terus tadi dipake push up (kalo push up cewek, lutut yang jadi tumpuannya). Alhasil, makin membiru lah lutut gue ini.

Selain tes fisik, para siswa juga diajarin nyanyi lagu-lagu AMP gitu. You know what, itu lagu-lagu isinya kayak mengingatkan bahwa jadi AMP masih lama. Masih dua tahun lagi, tjoy. Hahaha. I have to fight fight fight!

* * *

Okay, that's all for today guys. I need to do my Learning Issue's presentation. Hehehe.
God bless you all!

Jumat, 24 Januari 2014

Who Am I

I've just gotten my OSCE (about endocrine and nervous system) result today. OSCE is skills examinations for medical students, like how to inject patient, testing reflex, visual exams, hearing exams, etc.

For FK Unpad students, we need to get A for OSCE so we can pass it. For the record, the result won't be included in our GPA. But still, we need to pass. If we don't pass, we can take remedial. But if we again don't succeed in the remedial, we must repeat the OSCE next year.

So, Jesus is BEYOND good. Really exceed expectations. Beyond good.

I pass OSCE without remedial. Which is a miracle. Miracle of the moment.

I remember that I didn't do my best at the OSCE. I failed so many stations. I forgot so many things. But yet, Jesus is with me. I surrendered all to Him and the God of angels armies is with me. He helped me. He guided me. He's so good :')

Another lesson learned:
1. Surrender all to him. ALL. No matter how good you are or how bad you are, leave it all to him. I learned that when you give your all, you let He do things in His way, you'll never be disappointed.
2. Nothing is impossible.
3. Even though you failed Him, you keep on disappointing Him, He will never ever leave you. Never feel alone, never feel you won't get anything. His blessing is countless. Because He saves you is because of His love, His grace to you. Not because of what you've done, or who you are. Just like the song below.




"Who Am I"

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours, I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours, I am Yours.

***

Jesus have so many creative things to do in our life. Trust Him :)

However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived” 
    the things God has prepared for those who love him
- 1 Corinthians 2:9

Senin, 20 Januari 2014

Feel So Blessed

I feel so blessed, so so BLESSED.

I don't understand (in Indonesia "engga ngerti lagi") how GREAT, how KIND, how AMAZING Jesus is. Like He is beyond everything I could imagine.

I've never been a good daughter for Him. I sin a lot. I go far across His line. I run from Him. I have no good at all. Yet He grants me His blessings, ALWAYS. Abundantly. Never ending.

* * *

Here is my perspective about feeling blessed.

Feeling blessed doesn't always mean you got everything or you're superior than your other peers. It's about your attitude toward things you got. It's about feeling content and thankful to God for it.

This is what Paul said about contentment:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. - Philippians 4:11
So you know contentment is fundamental in feeling blessed. It's not easy for being grateful, saying to yourself that you have enough. One of human nature I know is greediness. Yeah, we always want more more more. One is never enough. That's why I always pray to God that I want to be more thankful in everything.

Another thing about feeling blessed for me is trust. Trust means you put aside all your opinion, your conviction about what's good for you and leave it all to God. Why?

Because this is what the bible says:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
It's just too good to be true, ain't it? :) When you have faith in God, you trust Him with all of your heart, you have no worry of the future. You'll be thankful of things God gives to you because you know it's the best for you! You'll feel blessed!

These are some of great quotes I got that I really like. Hope that these will build your faith up and make you feel more blessed.






* * *

Friends, never stop being thankful for what He has done. God is good! If you want anything, just ask. He will give you not what you want, but what you need. But I tell you something, He always listens. Maybe your list meet His criteria of best things He wants to give :)

FEEL SO BLESSED! :D